goddam it whats wrong
today was our first month anniversary. it went well, school was as usual and we were going to hang out after school. all i got her was a simple card, she loved it. she said she had written me a poem, but she really didn’t want to show me. eventually, she gave me her journal where she had written it, and i started looking for it. the journal, for class, also doubled as a personal diary. in it she had written some personal things. skimming it, even though i knew i shouldn’t’ve, i saw alot pf things she had personally confided to me. eventually, i got to my name mentioned when she was having a “nefvous breakdown” a couple months back when she broke up with her ex, that she never really liked. whatever. she had seen me reading some of things and was fine with it, but when i got to that part, she flipped out, stole the book back and started scratching out a line. she did that for 10 minutes.
we hung out, yadda yadda, and when i got home she started texting me. i don’t know why but she brought it up again. now we kinda got into fight, and shes really not texting me back or speaking to me since i told her to drop it, right after i told her that i felt weird about it.
i don’t know whats wrong with me. in the poem, she really told me how she felt about me, and i felt great, because thats exactly how i felt about her. but i’ve started doubting myself, again. i don’t know what she didn’t want to show me, and i just get this sick, twisted feeling in my heart that this goodam secret would tear us apart.
she means the world to me, and she shouldn’t and i don’t know why. jesus help me
